Marginal Notes

A ceaseless flow of commentary in an attempt to become thoughtful or empty

May 31, 2004

"Is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane a-blowing"

I'm done with this rain. I'm sooo done. Of course, as soon as I buy a bikini it rains from that point on. God is spiting me. Stupid weather. I saw The Day After Tomorrow with Mary and Elizabeth on Saturday. It was about as good as I thought it would be but at least I got to see Jake Gyllenhaal with no shirt on. I had lunch with Stephanie. How I missed her. I can't wait to see the zine. Spent some time with Kristin. Spent some time with Patrick. Spent some time with Mike. Good times.

Yesterday/Last night was nice and subdued. Had lunch with some of the usual suspects. Mary's wall is awesome. I found the place where I signed in december, '01! DIDN'T get to see Kristin (ahem). Got to relax at Patricks. That was cool. I actually got more sleep there than I get at home. Go figure.

My parent's financial situation is starting to scare the bejezus out of me. And my health (lack of) has been troublesome. Over the river and through the woods to the doctors office I will go.

Now, I get to clean the entire house.

May 28, 2004

“Would she go down on you in a theater?”

I’m very tired.

My dog is sick and yet she’s still a pain in the ass. “You goddamnpieceofshit sonofabitch dog. Eat that goddamn medicine”.

My boobs and lower torso got scorched today. Totally my fault.

The carnies are in town.

I got a bunch of photography equipment today.

I saw that really dumb blonde chick that I worked with at Chico and Billy’s today at Best Buy. I think her name was Jordan.

Skwak is alive!

To do list for the weekend:

Psssht forget it. No one actually cares.

I’m going to stop now.

May 24, 2004

Fragmented Thoughts and Ice Water

I’m definitely on the path to skin cancer. Sigh. At least this will result in a decent tan.

I worked my ass off (Literally) in the yard this morning. I was so sweaty and tired by twelve I wanted to go back to bed. I dyed my hair dark brown and took a shower. We had a family cookout in the back yard. I did a little writing and then decided I was ready to go out and see people.

I went over to Patrick’s this evening and we talked for a while. That was nice. I drove around Roanoke, taking in the changes (there were a lot, unfortunately). I stopped by the coffee shop for tea where I ran into Blake and John. I missed John more than I knew. Then I went to the Deli to sit with Mike while Mary closed. Pretty slow night.

I think it’s probably good that I’m not seeing Kristin this summer. When we room together in the fall we won’t start out being sick of each other.

So I wanted to have a summer romance but then I remembered this is Roanoke and I came back to reality. And then I also remembered that trust is a precious and lacking element in most of my relationships with men. Oh well, maybe I’ll meet someone in England.

May 21, 2004

Tired with a touch of delirium.

Three hours sleep doesn’t help the thinking process. The whole “mini-high school reunion” thing was kind of strange but I had fun. Everyone looks the same except…no everyone is exactly the same. Mmm, bowling, Tennessee moonshine, Texas Tavern, Wal-mart and near death experiences all in one night. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

My L.A. uncle is on the east coast for the week. We hiked the Four Mile Loop this morning and talked about pot, sex and Rufus Wainwright. I had lunch at my grandmothers. Came home and sprayed commercial Round-Up on the weeds and trees growing in the cracks of our patio. I got quite a bit on my skin but at this point I don’t really care. In fact, I lounged around on the patio for about an hour tanning. Let’s see how many types of cancer I can get in the span of a year.

I’m going to some winery with my uncle tomorrow and after that he’s going to show me how to mix drinks. Yay for liberal gay men from California.

I foresee hair-dying in the near future. I’m tired of being red…maybe I’m just tired.

May 19, 2004

I’m incredibly tired and emotionally drained. Day started at 6 AM. Ordered darkroom supplies and portfolio. I had errands out my ass. Hair cut. Driving=gas…grrr…damn Bush administration. I ended up cleaning the house and mowing three yards. I hit another nest of baby rabbits…yeah. I was hysterical. I managed to miss one but I think I took a couple toes off the second. Despite a few drops of blood it could hop around frantically so I’m hoping it survives. This time I didn’t touch either of them in hopes that the mother wouldn’t abandon them...the smell and all. Damn that mother rabbit building those nests in impossible-to-see places (yes, I do realize that’s the point). Came home and cooked asparagus on the grill. It’s one of those fancy stainless steel things with lots of knobs. I pushed the starter button after having the gas on for a few minutes and apparently a few minutes was a bit too long because flames exploded out the back of the grill setting a nearby bush on fire. That was fun. Took a shower to get the smoke and sweat off me. Went out with Mary and Mike. Good times. This post sucks. Oh well. Goodnight.

P.S.- Boys named Cole should call girls named Cait and girls named Skwak should write to girls named Cait.

May 15, 2004

Invasion of Red Things

The house has been invaded by ants.

I'll be rich by the end of the summer.

Volunteering at Good Samaritan Hospice.

Fasting is my new best friend.

Writing is my god.

Reading is my boyfriend.

What more could I want?

The past 48 hours have brought moments of euphoria, relaxation, and a "post-trauma surge of endoriphins". Best illegal substance I've ever had.

I've never been more relieved to experience the pain and bleeding of menstruation.

I miss Coleman.


May 09, 2004

“Don’t worry we’ll all float on”

Thursday night I’ll be sleeping in my bed, in my house, with my asthmatic dog.

The other day my mom called and said, “You’ll be home in a week! Aren’t you excited!” to which I replied, “I could still die.”…

But I am excited. I’ll be able to run in my neighborhood without worrying about crossing a dozen intersections with heavy traffic flow. I’ll be able to swim in my pool. I’ll be able to drive. I’ll be able to smoke up in the privacy of my back porch instead of searching for a safe haven. I won’t be living in a seven by nine box. Oh, but best of all…real food.

Friday 14th- Meet with Good Samaritan Hospice people
Monday 17th- Photog. Class begins
Tuesday 18th- Getting my hair sculpted

Peace, Love, and Pharmaceutical Pot

May 02, 2004

She hands out the Bhagavad-Gita.

The minimalist plan is working out. Not the way I would like but at least I’m following some course of action. I have 15 dollars to my name. And that is for the next five days. My neurosis have taken over and convinced me not to spend any of the money. I suppose college life gives my financial situation anorexia. Or maybe I’m developing some sort of eating disorder. I’ve been going days without eating, lately.

Best moment of the week: Sitting on a patch of grass reading poetry.

The rest of the week was shit.

I can already tell this is going to be one of those summers where I go insane, stop eating, and walk around in all black when the temperature is 90 degrees.

Yeah, it’s already started.